Nothing too Serious

31 March


I rang you

It’s that time again Moses

Jus seen your call

My microwave gets more reception than this phone. Stick to msgs for now

And I’m staying in tonight

Why? Ur not doing anything

I am

Doing what?

You mean who


Should’ve said

Forever the bedroom champ

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown”

I’m with Rita




We met her on new year’s eve

Same night I lost my phone

Tall. Perfect tits. Purple lipstick. Black hair

Been seeing her for about two months now

Swear I told you all this already

You didn’t

I think I remember her, barely

When you getting a new phone?



What you think of her anyway? Rita?

She might be a keeper


Can hardly picture her

So I can’t say much

She’s cool

Got a sense of humour, good in bed, carrying weight in the right places

But it’s nothing too serious

But she’s nice. I like her


. . .

Sounds like ur the a decline already if I’m honest

I’m offended

Truths are unpopular. Lies are famous


I’m taking that

In all seriousness, she sounds special


You know what, she might be

I was joking

I know

I’ll call Jake, but it won’t be the same without you

It won’t. Next time

4 April


What you doing next Sat?

Thinking about going somewhere untouched


I can’t. Rita’s b’day

So the bedroom champ’s turned into the lover boy?

I’m still the bedroom champ. Just ask Rita

I’ll call Jake

Shout me next time

8 April


Check the cinema showings


Which film you thinking of?

John Wilkes

Good pick

Did you link up with Jake then?

Yeah. He’s not you, but he’s suitable

I finished the night with a stranger

Tell the tale

It was a hot and sweaty night . . .

Bras were unclipped, leggings were pulled down

And Reece “Casanova” ended the night with Nicole “Twenty” Nostalgia

Not quite an adult, but not quite a teenager either

Rather that fragile, delicate middle

You’re a wrong un

                                                    She wasn’t from around here


Expanding your reach

I’ve decided, I’m going to travel the world

Without leaving the country


You’re gunning for the crown

I can see its dull shine from here

Ur lazy hands have smudged it

Rein it in. I’m still here

I’m taking a small break from Rita anyway


You only mentioned her last week

Told you it’s been over two months

She’s creating problems out of nothing

Like a magician

But she pulls stress out of her hat not rabbits

You crack me up

About what?

You tell me

It’s getting worse the more serious she thinks this is

If I don’t text back for a while she’ll ring me

All because I don’t reply for a few hours doesn’t mean I’m up to something

If she had her way I’d have a dummy in my mouth and a harness around my neck

Sounds like love

It‘s not serious yet. She needs to know that

Thought you wanted it to be?

No, I was considering it

This is still the screening period, but she’s already all in

Mate, you might as well dead this

Not yet

A short break should help her realise she’s acting silly

This early on? Bad sign

It’s not

This isn’t just another nameless body I’m pumping

It’s Rita

Exactly, she’s not just another nameless body

But somehow she’s more problematic

What does that tell you?

It tells me you need to change your way of thinking

That’s rich

Yesterday you’d have sounded just like me

I’m fixing up. You should too

Ur not hearing yourself

A moment ago ur relationship wasn’t serious

Now ur talking like it’s put you on a higher level of understanding

I’m willing to see where it goes

But for you that’s not even an option


This is the decline

To think there was a time when you bragged about smelling of two different perfumes

I can still smell of three

Prove it. We’ll step out Friday



Take that crown off Moses

LMAO. You’re talking like I can wear it forever

Clearly not. Moving on

If ur up for watching Wilkes lemme know

Really, think about where your mindset’s taking you








11 April


Might watch the one at 18:20 tomorrow

Life & Times of John Wilkes that is

12 April



15 April


Sorry man, stuff came up. Forgot to get back to you

You watch it?


Yeah. It resonates

If me, you and Wilkes hit a bar, it’d be a shutdown

20 April


What’s happening?

24 April


I’m doing something for my birthday on Sunday

A lil party or something

27 April


Can’t make it man. Enjoy the date of your birth anyway




1 May








Moses Mikel stars in Woman Trouble. Now showing


She “caught” me txtng a girl from work

Now she thinks I’m up to something

This ain’t the first time. She keeps flipping out


Annnd what did I say


People don’t flip out over nothing

Well she is

You cheated on her yet?

What? No

I’m impressed

But be honest

You were prepping ur colleague for ur love sausage

You’re joking?

At worst it was harmless flirting

LOL. Ur too much

The bedroom champ is back!

Piss off. It was nothing

She overreacted

Tried to slap me


You were caught in a domestic


This was just a glorified one night stand to begin with

It was only going to go one way

I’m being serious man

Me too

She overreacted

No doubt about that

Hurry up and dead this

We’ll roll out this weekend

That’s tempting, but nah


If she’s genuinely over the top, finish it, but if you genuinely acted out of order, slow down

Ur the driver in ur relationship, and right now ur passenger doesn’t trust you

It’s either or

How does slowing down help?

She gives me a funny look whenever a girl behind a counter smiles at me

Fuck that

She can accept how I drive or get out the car


You can’t have Rita in one hand

Then send someone else banana emojis in the other

I’m not sending banana emojis. This is what I’m saying

Then cut her off

I should

I dunno

Old Moses would’ve burned this ages ago

You’ve fallen off

Rein it in

I’m still here

I’m just trying something different. I want it to work

You call this working?



If it was I’d be saying more power to you

Bullshit. You wouldn’t

Mate, I’d support it


In the Book of Reece a relationship = an automatic F

. . .

You know what? I’m offended

Truths are unpopular. Lies are famous


Either way, it’s not working

I know

I’m too pissed off to think straight at the minute

I’ll think about it later

Let me know how it turns out

But I still think this whole thing needs burying

That’s your solution to everything

I’ll let you know

4 May


Any news?

7 May


What’s happening?

13 May


How’s it going?

19 May


This is Rita, Moses’ other half. I’d appreciate it Reece if you’d stop telling Moses what’s good for him. Yes, I know you’ve been friends for a long time, but Moses has someone now. Me. And I’m just as important to him as he is to you. And despite what he’s told you about our relationship I love him. That’s all that matters.

I’ve been struggling to understand why Moses drifts sometimes. And I’ve been looking for signs, other girls he might be msging, just something. And I know I’m wrong for going through his phone, but I need to know. Instead I’ve found these conversations you’ve been having with him. Now I get it. It’s you Reece. Yr the one putting all this doubt in his head making him think settling down isn’t good for him. I mean, what kind of person tells a friend to dead their relationship so easily? Why not encourage him to make it work? Not this half-hearted advice you give him. I think yr scared of Moses forgetting about you, but if you don’t change how you are he’ll do that whether I’m here or not.

Finally, the REAL reason why you want him to break up with me is so he can go back to helping you pull. Really?! How old are you? 28 or 18? Moses is right. Even if we didn’t fight you’d still want us apart. I don’t know, maybe there’s something wrong with you Reece, but if yr not going to fix up stay out of our relationship, please.



If you don’t have a nickname yet I can think of a few

Hint: one’s a five letter word

Fuck off

Right back at ya

22 May


Just seen the last few msgs. That was Rita, not me

I stopped being on my phone as much because she said she needs to know she can trust me

So I’ve only just read this now. Fucking hell. Sorry about that

Damn, thought I’d see more msgs too

The people don’t love me

23 May


It’s ur phone and you didn’t know she’d used it?

How do I know I’m not talking to Rita now?

And ur damn right they don’t love you

I don’t check our conversation unless I’m gonna send you a msg, so I haven’t seen it

And it’s me man

I broke up with her anyway


Say it ain’t so

It is

Reached a point where there wasn’t a day without us falling out

My phone rang when we were in bed together and I started sweating

Had to tell her it was my mum and damn near wait for her nod of approval before picking up

That was breaking point

How am I going to need her permission to pick up the phone?

27 May


Anything going on?

I’m a free man now

At last, thank God, Reece, I am free at last. LMAO


Going cycling with Jake and a couple others

I’m coming. What time you going?


Already set off

Should’ve given me a heads up



Another time

2 June


Anything happening this weekend?

8 June


What’s going on? Might step out


Not tonight, I’ll shout you



11 June


What’s happening?

14 June


Hey man


What’s up?

Feel like I’m being left in the dark here

Mate, you turned ghost

I was in something I’d never been in before. Had to adjust

Rita must be the longest I’ve been with someone

Really? Jesus. No excuses either way

Stop being emotional

I’m not you cheeky bastard

I still think about that message Rita sent me

It’s affected me

I have trouble sleeping now and everything


I’m joking

I know

She said there’s something wrong with me you know?

How a good friend would’ve encouraged you to make it work

But I gave you advice didn’t I?

Stop thinking about it

She was irrational

15 June


What’s happening?

Same old

Racking up numbers

Collecting chicks like Pokémon cards

You’re a wrong un


Let me know when something’s happening

You’re rolling with Jake these days. Be serious

Mate, Jake was around when you weren’t

We established why I wasn’t about

Let’s move on

Let’s not

Ur not speaking to Rita at all?


Why dya care?

I don’t

It’s just weird having you trying to be involved all of a sudden

I already told you man


. . .

Looking back, do you think she might’ve just properly liked you?

Are you feeling guilty?

Don’t. It had nothing to do with you

Couldn’t care less

I’m just saying

Maybe she just loved you hard

Are you okay?


She got to you. That’s what she does


I’m just saying, when I think back on it she might’ve had a point

Like all the times she flipped out, was it always overreacting?

Doesn’t matter

Even if my eyes did drift it doesn’t give her the right to police me

True. But you can’t be halfway in and halfway out

Where’s all this come from?

Mr hey-Moses-come-out-tonight-man


Past few months all you’ve done is harass me for seeing someone

Now you’re telling me it’s okay . . . when it’s over

When you put it like that . . .

It’s dead

Not coming back to life because you had a change of heart

I know

It was on my mind so I had to get it off my chest

Hope you feel pounds lighter

I do

It was a learning curve. That’s all


It was for me too

I was there with you

Brothers in arms

When you hit Rita from behind, I was watching from the front

You’re disgusting

I’ve decided to give you another chance

When did you become the gatekeeper?

Since you went ghost

. . .

I’ll give you that

Rein it in for now. I’ll msg you on the weekend

16 June


Meet at 8. Usual spot


Got a new phone yet?


Sort it out

In time


Where you now?

Near the usual spot. Just heading to the cash machine

I brought some tissues


You might get emotional when you bring up Rita


I called her anyway



Said she’s sorry about everything

Including that msg she sent you

Well, I do deserve an apology

. . .

Maybe tell her I’m sorry too

Already did

How? I only told you to do that now

I told her anyway

You sly bastard

Did you tell her you were sorry?

Kind of, in a roundabout way

Some people

I think I can see you

Wow, you look older

You weren’t kidding about the stress

You fool. That’s not me

I got a new phone. This afternoon

About time

I see you


Who’s that standing near you? By the cash machine

No idea

Still can’t see you

WTF Moses


The woman next to you. That’s Rita




I’m going


I thought about what you said and asked her to come

What? Are you ok?

Why would you do that?

I’m gone

Because you were both right

I’ve known you longer than her. So if you’re telling me I need to dead it and that I need to be out with you pumping and dumping I’m inclined to agree

Then every time she tries to take things further with me it disagrees with what I’m used to, which is doing what you do, so it turns into stress

But how can I take it seriously when I’m thinking like that?

Better the two of you meet and realise all of this is because of a lack of communication rather than forcing different ideas down my ears

She’s not as bad as you think and you’re not as bad as she thinks


Well ur as bad as I think and ur as bad as she fucking thinks


Fuck’s sake

This is going to be awkward


Give me a min. I’m coming back

You’ll like her. Trust me

But don’t say anything stupid

None of that bedroom champ talk

I won’t

The crown’s mine now anyway

You’ve definitely lost it after this

Fuck it, you can have it


Featured photo by Ali Madad

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