I rang you
It’s that time again Moses
Jus seen your call
My microwave gets more reception than this phone. Stick to msgs for now
And I’m staying in tonight
Why? Ur not doing anything
You mean who
Forever the bedroom champ
“Heavy is the head that wears the crown”
I’m with Rita
We met her on new year’s eve
Same night I lost my phone
Tall. Perfect tits. Purple lipstick. Black hair
Been seeing her for about two months now
Swear I told you all this already
I think I remember her, barely
When you getting a new phone?
What you think of her anyway? Rita?
She might be a keeper
Can hardly picture her
So I can’t say much
Got a sense of humour, good in bed, carrying weight in the right places
But it’s nothing too serious
But she’s nice. I like her
. . .
Sounds like ur on the decline already if I’m honest
Truths are unpopular. Lies are famous
I’m taking that
In all seriousness, she sounds special
You know what, she might be
I was joking
I’ll call Jake, but it won’t be the same without you
It won’t. Next time
What you doing next Sat?
Thinking about going somewhere untouched
I can’t. Rita’s b’day
So the bedroom champ’s turned into the lover boy?
I’m still the bedroom champ. Just ask Rita
I’ll call Jake
Shout me next time
Check the cinema showings
Which film you thinking of?
Did you go out with Jake then?
Yeah. He’s not you, but he’s suitable
I finished the night with a stranger
Tell the tale
It was a hot and sweaty night . . .
Bras were unclipped, leggings were pulled down
And Reece “Casanova” ended the night with Nicole “Twenty” Nostalgia
Not quite an adult, but not quite a teenager either
Rather that fragile, delicate middle
You’re a wrong un
She wasn’t from around here
Expanding your reach
I’ve decided, I’m going to travel the world
Without leaving the country
You’re gunning for the crown
I can see its dull shine from here
Ur lazy hands have smudged it
Rein it in. I’m still here
I’m taking a small break from Rita anyway
You only mentioned her last week
Told you it’s been over two months
She’s creating problems out of nothing
She’s like a magician
But she pulls stress out of her hat, not rabbits
You crack me up
You tell me
It’s getting worse the more serious she thinks this is
If I don’t text back for a while she’ll ring me
All because I don’t reply for a few hours doesn’t mean I’m up to something
If she had her way I’d have a dummy in my mouth and a harness around my neck
Sounds like love
It‘s not serious yet. She needs to know that
Thought you wanted it to be?
No, I was considering it
This is still the screening period, but she’s already all in
Mate, you might as well dead this
A short break should help her realise she’s acting silly
This early on? Bad sign
This isn’t just another nameless body I’m pumping
Exactly, she’s not just another nameless body
But somehow she’s more problematic
What does that tell you?
It tells me you need to change your way of thinking
Yesterday you’d have sounded just like me
I’m fixing up. You should too
Ur not hearing yourself
A moment ago ur relationship wasn’t serious
Now ur talking like it’s put you on a higher level of understanding
I’m willing to see where it goes
But for you that’s not even an option
This is the decline
To think there was a time when you bragged about smelling of two different perfumes
I can still smell of three
Prove it. We’ll step out Friday
Take that crown off Moses
LMAO. You’re talking like I can wear it forever
Clearly not. Moving on
If ur up for watching Wilkes lemme know
Really, think about where your mindset’s taking you
Might watch the one at 18:20 tomorrow
Life & Times of John Wilkes that is
Sorry man, stuff came up. Forgot to get back to you
You watch it?
Yeah. It resonates
If me, you and Wilkes hit a bar, it’d be a shutdown
I’m doing something for my b’day on Sunday
A lil party or something
Can’t make it man. Enjoy the date of your birth anyway
Moses Mikel stars in Woman Trouble. Now showing
She “caught” me txtng a girl from work
Now she thinks I’m up to something
This ain’t the first time. She keeps flipping out
Annnd what did I say
People don’t flip out over nothing
Well she is
You cheated on her yet?
But be honest
You were prepping ur colleague for ur love sausage
At worst it was harmless flirting
LOL. Ur too much
The bedroom champ is back!
Piss off. It was nothing
Tried to slap me
You were caught in a domestic
This was all just a glorified one night stand to begin with
It was only going to go one way
I’m being serious man
No doubt about that
Hurry up and dead this
We’ll roll out this weekend
That’s tempting, but nah
If she’s genuinely over the top, finish it, but if you genuinely acted out of order, slow down
Ur the driver in ur relationship, and right now ur passenger doesn’t trust you
It’s either or
How does slowing down help?
She gives me a funny look whenever a girl behind a counter smiles at me
She can accept how I drive or get out the car
You can’t have Rita in one hand
Then send someone else banana emojis in the other
I’m not sending banana emojis. This is what I’m saying
Then cut her off
Old Moses would’ve burned this ages ago
You’ve fallen off
Rein it in. Fallen off is a bit strong.
I’m still here
I’m just trying something different. I want it to work
You call this working?
If it was I’d be saying more power to you
Bullshit. You wouldn’t
Mate, I’d support it
In the Book of Reece a relationship = an automatic F
. . .
You know what? I’m offended
Truths are unpopular. Lies are famous
Either way, it’s not working
I’m too pissed off to think straight at the minute
I’ll think about it later
Let me know how it turns out
But I still think this whole thing needs burying
That’s your solution to everything
I’ll let you know
How’s it going?
This is Rita, Moses’ other half. I’d appreciate it Reece if you’d stop telling Moses what’s good for him. Yes, I know you’ve been friends for a long time, but Moses has someone now. Me. And I’m just as important to him as he is to you. And despite what he’s told you about our relationship I love him. That’s all that matters.
I’ve been struggling to understand why Moses drifts sometimes. And I’ve been looking for signs, other girls he might be msging, just something. And I know I’m wrong for going through his phone, but I need to know. Instead I’ve found these conversations you’ve been having with him. Now I get it. It’s you Reece. Ur the one putting all this doubt in his head making him think settling down isn’t good for him. I mean, what kind of person tells a friend to dead their relationship so easily? Why not encourage him to make it work? Not this half-hearted advice you give him. I think ur scared of Moses forgetting about you, but if you don’t change how you are he’ll do that whether I’m here or not.
Finally, the REAL reason why you want him to break up with me is so he can go back to helping you pull. Really?! How old are you? 28 or 18? Moses is right. Even if we didn’t fight you’d still want us apart. I don’t know, maybe there’s something wrong with you Reece, but if ur not going to fix up stay out of our relationship, please.
If you don’t have a nickname yet I can think of a few
Hint: they’re all five letter words
Right back at ya
Just seen the last few msgs. That was Rita, not me
I stopped being on my phone as much because she said she needs to know she can trust me
So I’ve only just read this now. Fucking hell. Sorry about that
Damn, thought I’d see more msgs too
The people don’t love me
It’s ur phone and you didn’t know she’d used it?
How do I know I’m not talking to Rita now?
And ur damn right they don’t love you
I don’t check our conversation unless I’m gonna send you a msg, so I haven’t seen it
And it’s me man
I broke up with her anyway
Say it ain’t so
Reached a point where there wasn’t a day without us falling out
My phone rang when we were in bed together and I started sweating
Had to tell her it was my mum and damn near wait for her nod of approval before picking up
That was breaking point
How am I going to need her permission to pick up the phone?
Anything going on?
I’m a free man now
At last, thank God, Reece, I am free at last. LMAO
Going cycling with Jake and a couple others
I’m coming. What time you going?
Already set off
Should’ve given me a heads up
Anything happening this weekend?
What’s going on? Might step out tonight
Not tonight, I’ll shout you
Feel like I’m being left in the dark here
Mate, you turned ghost
I was in something I’d never been in before. Had to adjust
Rita must be the longest I’ve been with someone
Really? Christ. No excuses either way
Stop being emotional
I’m not you cheeky bastard
I still think about that message Rita sent me
It’s affected me
I have trouble sleeping now and everything
She said there’s something wrong with me you know?
How a good friend would’ve encouraged you to make it work
But I gave you advice didn’t I?
Stop thinking about it
She was irrational
Racking up numbers
Collecting chicks like Pokémon cards
You’re a wrong un
Let me know when something’s happening
You’re rolling with Jake these days. Be serious
Mate, Jake was around when you weren’t
We established why I wasn’t about
Let’s move on
Ur not speaking to Rita at all?
Why dya care?
It’s just weird having you trying to be involved all of a sudden
I already told you man
. . .
Looking back, do you think she might’ve just properly liked you?
Are you feeling guilty?
Don’t. It had nothing to do with you
Couldn’t care less
I’m just saying
Maybe she just loved you hard
Are you okay?
She got to you. That’s what she does
I’m just saying, when I think back on it she might’ve had a point
Like all the times she flipped out, was it always overreacting?
Even if my eyes did drift it doesn’t give her the right to police me
True. But you can’t be halfway in and halfway out
Where’s all this come from?
Past few months all you’ve done is harass me for seeing someone
Now you’re telling me it’s okay . . . when it’s over
When you put it like that . . .
Not coming back to life because you had a change of heart
It was on my mind so I had to get it off my chest
Hope you feel pounds lighter
It was a learning curve. That’s all
It was for me too
I was there with you
Brothers in arms
When you hit Rita from behind, I was watching from the front
I’ve decided to give you another chance
When did you become the gatekeeper?
Since you went ghost
. . .
I’ll give you that
Rein it in for now. I’ll msg you on the weekend
Meet at 8. Usual spot
Got a new phone yet?
Where you now?
Near the usual spot. Just heading to the cash machine
I brought some tissues
You might get emotional when you bring up Rita
I called her anyway
Said she’s sorry about everything
Including that msg she sent you
Well, I do deserve an apology
. . .
Maybe tell her I’m sorry too
How? I only told you to do that now
I told her anyway
You sly bastard
Did you tell her you were sorry?
Kind of, in a roundabout way
I think I can see you
Wow, you look older
You weren’t kidding about the stress
You fool. That’s not me
I got a new phone. This afternoon
I see you
Who’s that standing near you? By the cash machine
Still can’t see you
The woman next to you. That’s Rita
I thought about what you said and asked her to come
What? Are you ok?
Why would you do that?
Because you were both right
I’ve known you longer than her. So if you’re telling me I need to dead it and that I need to be out with you pumping and dumping I’m inclined to agree
Then every time she tries to take things further with me it disagrees with what I’m used to, which is doing what you do, so it turns into stress
But how can I take it seriously when I’m thinking like that?
Better the two of you meet and realise all of this is because of a lack of communication rather than forcing different ideas down my ears
She’s not as bad as you think, and you’re not as bad as she thinks
Well ur as bad as I think and ur as bad as she fucking thinks
This is going to be awkward
Give me a min. I’m coming back
You’ll like her. Trust me
But don’t say anything stupid
None of that bedroom champ talk
The crown’s mine now anyway
You’ve definitely lost it after this
Fuck it, you can have it
Featured photo by Ali Madad